Most women are absolute magicians – juggling motherhood, marriage, career, attempting a new dish for dinner and a dozen things at any given time. Sometimes it feels like the daily list of things to accomplish is never-ending!
And it’s not just me. I watch my female executive colleagues go through all of these same challenges; they make every effort to everything and be everywhere, but sometimes we lose our focus. One of my colleagues told me how she’d made every effort to be there for her kids, but now feels like she’s missed some pretty sizable parts of their lives. She’d finally found success in her career, making it up to the C suite, traveling, working hard to get there. Her son was now in high school, and feeling like she could take a step back, spend more time at home, she’d decided she would pick up where she left off before her whirlwind work-life had precedence. She joined the PTA, chaired various school functions, attended his sporting events and tried to be the “cool mom”, hosting parties for his friends.
When she recently asked him if he wanted her to participate in another school activity, she had a jarring experience. He said, but not in a way to evoke guilt, “Whatever you do is cool mom, but I don’t really need you now. I needed you in kindergarten and grade school when we have room parties and field trips.”
That was probably hard to hear.
Her son didn’t mean to be malicious, but obviously, the time for honesty had come. She was faced with the harsh reality that she had missed a vital window in his life, and now she really didn’t know her son as well as she’d hoped. She’d spent his childhood being a road warrior, building her career in the oil and gas industry. Male colleagues had told her early on that to be taken seriously in a traditionally male-dominated industry, she needed to make sure that everyone knew “what her priorities were”- e.g. the growth of her territory and increased sales footprint.
Recently, I’ve also had such a moment. Having an opportunity to attend my kids’ Karate class, I’d left the office early and but had a suspicion I might be pulled into a prospecting call. Not thinking a bit about it, I took the call inside the dojo, without realizing that the prospect could hear the loud Japanese counting that was occurring in my kid’s class. I’m thankful that the prospect was female with children herself, so she “got it” and understood the colliding of business and personal worlds. But it also occurred to me that this would likely NOT have been the case with a male prospect, or a colleague who did not have children, lacking tolerance for such interruptions.
I’m reminded of a recent article entitled “Women Can’t Have It All.” I fundamentally disagree—I believe we can have everything, just not all at once. It’s more about priorities. Will your house be spotless? Not likely. Will dinner always be a balanced proportion of protein and vegetable? Possibly. Looking back on your life in 5, 10, 15 years—what will really matter? How well will you know your spouse, partner or kids? The deal you close today will be good for the bottom line, but be mindful of the cost-benefit. Everything has a cost, and we have limited time, energy and emotional resources. What we do with these finite resources is a direct reflection of your values. I am not in any way saying the pursuit of business growth is unimportant, but I am saying that perspective is everything. Nobody on their deathbed ever said they wished they had worked more, took more conference calls or spent more time at the office. But like your investment accounts for retirement, we must also have emotional investment accounts for the future. If you don’t aren’t present for your family, you’ll be bankrupt in this department later. Make deposits now, whether that be a karate class for the kids, or a night with the family, even though it will mean an early morning to finish the report for a meeting later the next day.
It’s so easy to think of investment as a monetary thing; you work extra hard to plan for whatever comes next, padding accounts and securing clients. But investments of presence and time with the people who make our lives rich are equally as important to finding a fulfilling, rewarding future.