The holidays are unlike any other time of the year. For some, it’s the best time of the year; excited and anticipation grows with each day approaching the new year. The music, the lights, gifts, decorations, and time with family and friends all ignite a spirit of joy and merriment.
Unfortunately for others, it is a time filled with stress and depression.
For some, stress comes from envisioning the ‘perfect holiday’, often leading to unrealistic expectations for themselves and others. Attempts to ensure everyone’s holiday happiness can easily lead to overspending on gifts, travel, food, and entertainment. As people spend beyond their means and then worry about how to make ends meet, anxiety spikes and suddenly the holidays aren’t very enjoyable anymore.
The compounding strain of travel, cooking, socialization, and purchasing gifts can increase stress, create tension, and cause flat out exhaust you. During the holidays, exercise and sleep — good recovery for anxieties and fatigue — may take a back seat to chores and errands. High demands, stress, lack of exercise, and overindulgence in food and drink compromise the immune system, often bringing on holiday illness, which makes everything worse.
All relationships have the potential for turmoil, conflict, or stress, but tensions are often heightened during the holidays, resulting in unpleasant conflicts. Grief also intensifies at this time of year; many face the holidays missing loved ones.
The National Mental Health Association reports that even more people experience post-holiday letdown after January 1. This can result from disappointments during the preceding months compounded with the excess fatigue and stress from all of the reasons above. If we’re not mindful of how we are approaching this season, stress and anxiety will replace the joy and spirit of peace that the holidays offer. So, how can we get a handle on holiday stress and depression to make the best of the season?
You can begin by setting manageable expectations of yourself and others. Create a master to-do list that you can then break down into weekly and daily lists. Organize your time and prioritize activities, keeping in mind this is a season and marathon of celebration, not just one day. Spreading out activities over time will reduce stress and allow more time to enjoy individual experiences.
Tips from the Mayo Clinic:
Acknowledge your feelings. If you’re feeling lonely, or a loved one has recently died, realize that it’s perfectly normal to experience sadness or grief. It’s alright now and then to take time just to express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy (all the time) just because it’s the holiday season, nor should you.
Seek support. If you feel isolated, seek out family members and friends, the church community, or area social services; They can offer support and companionship. Even better, consider volunteering at a community or church function. Getting involved and helping others can lift your own spirits, atop of broadening your social circle. Enlist support for organizing holiday gatherings, not forgetting meal preparation and cleanup. You don’t have to go it alone. Don’t be a martyr.
Be realistic. As families grow and shift, traditions often change as well. Hold on to those you can and want to, but remember, in some cases that may no longer be possible. Perhaps your entire extended family can’t gather at your house. Instead, find new ways to celebrate together from afar, such as sharing pictures, e-mails, or video messages.
Set differences aside. No matter how many years of strife have passed, try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all your expectations. Set aside grievances. With stress and activity levels high, the holidays might not be conducive to making quality time for relationships, and remain understanding if others get anxious with everything happening in their own lives. Chances are they’re feeling the effects of holiday stress, too.
Stick to a budget. It’s easy to get lost in the moment, but before you go shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend on gifts and other items. Stick to your budget! If you don’t, you could feel anxious and tense for months afterward as you struggle to pay down the debt. Don’t try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts; share experiences, cook someone dinner. Donate to a charity in someone’s name, give homemade gifts, or start a family gift exchange.
Plan ahead. To help budget your energy, set aside specific days for shopping, baking, and visiting friends and family. Plan your menus ahead of time, then make one big food-shopping trip. That’ll help prevent a last-minute scramble to buy forgotten ingredients — and you’ll have time to make another pie, if the first one’s a flop. (We believe in you!) Allow extra time for travel – delays can make everyone anxious.
Learn to say no. Safeguard your energy reserves and be aware of how you’re feeling. Believe it or not, people will understand if you can’t do certain projects or activities. If you say yes only to what you really want to do, you can avoid feeling overwhelmed, and ultimately resentful. If it’s really not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time, and treat yourself to something small and rejuvenating.
Don’t abandon healthy habits. It’s hard to monitor yourself when everything is so delicious, but don’t let the holidays become a dietary free-for-all. Some indulgence is OK, but overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt and a raging stomach ache.Try to have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don’t go in starving and eat six pieces of pie. Make sure to find healthy eating choices while scheduling time for physical activity.
Sleep! Did you know studies show that well rested people have better stress management? Getting quality sleep means handling that dinner with the meddling family member or sibling rivalry with much more grace, and less of the anxiety. Sleep also helps us make better food choices – Well rested people are known to consume less calories and make better dietary judgments. When you’re stressed, it’s easy to just grab everything sugary in sight – Of course you want to enjoy those cakes, festive cookie platters, and the family’s famous gravy! Getting good sleep might be a good way to make sure you aren’t so inclined to overdo it.
Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Be mindful of how much energy you’re expending, and how much you have left for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you more than anything else. Steal away to a quiet place, even if it’s the bathroom, for a few moments of you time. Find something that clears your mind, centers your energy, slows your breathing, and restores your sense of well-being.
Rethink resolutions. Let’s be honest; resolutions can set you up for failure if they’re unrealistic. Don’t resolve to change your entire life; instead, try to return to simple, healthy lifestyle routines. Set smaller and more specific goals with a reasonable time frame. Choose only those resolutions that help you feel valuable – work to provide more than only fleeting moments of happiness for yourself – you deserve it.
Forget about perfection. Holiday stories are filled with happy endings, but in real life, people don’t usually resolve problems within an hour or two, and life certainly doesn’t work that way. You may get stuck late at the office and miss your daughter’s school play, or your friend may dredge up an old argument. You may forget to put sprinkles on the cake, and your parents may criticize how you and your partner are raising the kids — all in the same day. Expect and accept imperfections. Be present with yourself, and put yourself first.
The holidays are a powder keg of emotions and experiences! Absolutely, seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, irritable and hopeless, and sleepless. If these feelings last for several weeks, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. You may have depression.
As you move through the coming days, use the list above to anchor yourself. Take time out from the activities around you to be present with yourself, really gauging how you’re feeling and identifying what you need to find peace. If it’s all too much, set aside the to-do lists, along with the cares and concerns of your life, as you remember the primary focus of this time of celebration. Choose thoughts and actions that will anchor that purpose in your mind and heart as the season unfolds – a season of joy, of hope, of promise, of peace.