Over 20+ years of working with executives and their families I have found that work success can translate into marital and committed relationship success. True, all relationships are unique- but as an executive marriage advisor, I like to share the following principles for cultivating strong marital and committed relationships with my clients:
Take responsibility for the health of your relationship.
You and your spouse are responsible for the state of your marriage. Acknowledge that your beliefs, choices, and behaviors all play a role in your relationship, and strive to make decisions that support your bond.
Exhibit the behaviors you hope to see in your spouse.
If you want to be with a kind, considerate person, you too need to adopt these attributes. Lay the foundation for a successful marriage by acting in a way that makes you proud. Show your spouse you love and respect them to nurture your relationship.
Give more than you hope to receive.
Treat your partner the way you would like to be treated — and then go the extra mile. Be the example, even if you do not believe your spouse is giving back what you are putting into the marriage. Live without expecting reciprocity.
Determine who you are.
Clarity about who you are and where you are headed brings feelings of purpose and fulfillment. By discussing what you want and encouraging your spouse to do the same, you will build a framework to evaluate your desired outcomes.
Continue building your relationship skills.
Few couples put in the time to actively improve their relationship skills. It’s important, however, that you work to continually strengthen your bond.
Advocate for your marriage or commitment.
Society conveys that spouses should consider divorce when things are no longer “fun” or “easy.” Rather than accepting this outlook, view your marriage as the most important relationship you have. Remember that your union is sacred.
Commit to your spouse or partner.
Marriage is an investment not only in your partner, but also in your relationship. Even when things become difficult, honor your commitment by putting in the work needed to sustain a healthy marriage.
Aim for personal growth.
The challenges we face help us learn and grow. Couples who stay together through difficult times report that their marriages are happier and stronger. Aim to improve yourself, and your marriage will improve too.
Learn from other successful relationships.
Those who have not witnessed other happy marriages or committed relationships often struggle with their own relationships. Remember that your example will give future generations a framework for their own success.
Remember that anything is possible.
If you want to enjoy a thriving marriage, you must put in the time to nurture your relationship. This will not occur organically any more than your next raise or promotion. Pinpoint your goals and put in the work to achieve them.
Ultimately, the power to transform your marriage is in your hands. It is the result of the actions you take, for you have considerable power over your thoughts and attitudes.
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